Straight Mashed Homie

I don’t know what I was more surprised by: the fact that Randy Moss was in my local shithole bar (he’s shorter and a little bit more pale in person) or the quality of lady he’s pulling these days.

You see that little strip of black being drowned in the rolls? That’s a belt. There’s a special place in heaven for belts that have lives like that.

Look at those fucking arms. it takes serious dedication to grow arms like that. This is not a case of letting yourself go a bit when you have two kids and a career to worry about so your physique stops being a priority. Arms like that are the result of meticulous laziness over years and years. The only times those arms have been raised has been when there was a cheeseburger in them.

Foxy Brown Looks Good…

Foxy Brown kind of has the right idea here. Ladies if you know before you leave the house that you’re going to be below the 50th percentile of attractiveness at whatever bar or club you’re leaving for, your best bet for not ending up lonely is to let everyone know you’re easy. there’s a reason McDonalds advertises on every billboard, every radio and tv station, and every newspaper in the country but Ruth’s Chris steakhouse has an advertising budget that amounts to less than a meal there. Nobody’s driving 45 minutes to get to a McDonalds, so if you’re a Mickey Ds level lady, you need to let everyone know you’re open and it’s cheap.

That being said, there’s a point where “easy” looking gives way to “infected” looking, and at that point you’re no longer McDonalds, you’re a sandwich picked out of a garbage can. Foxy Brown’s outfit choice here is a perfect example of crossing that line. Here’s an easy to follow rule for fat girls (and actually every woman in the entire world): if a stripper in a club with no cover charge would wear something, you shouldn’t.

The best part is the guy’s face in the first picture.

All pictures (obviously) via Ihadheard.com, and they have more.