I’ve been flying recently, so of course my biggest fear is having to sit next to a fat person on the plane. Sure things like terrorism or flocks of birds or a sudden unexpected tornado at 30,000 feet or a vengeful Thor seeking atonement for a past insult could all cause the plane to crash, which would be worse in the long run, but sitting next to some blob with no self control who spills over the seat is more likely.
Recently I was flying on Southwest, and since I’m not a total fucking douchebag who pays extra for the privilege of sitting down before everyone else, I always fly in the B or C groups. In this case, the C group is actually best because when you’re in group B, you’re usually sitting in a row with only one other person, so you still run the risk of a fat person from group C plopping their plump down and squeezing you either into the aisle or squishing you into the window.
Last month I spent an hour in anticipatory anxiety because this gigantor was on my flight and probably plotting to sit down next to me and spill over her seat and suffocate me. My death would go undiscovered until the plane landed and she finally hoisted herself out of the seat to go find her humongous “carry on” bag that people still insist on filling the entire fucking plane with even though southwest lets you check two bags for free.
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