Horizontal Lines

Now I'm a heterosexual man who's subscription to Esquire has lapsed, so I don't make any claims about being up to date on the latest fashions. That being said, I was always under the impression that horizontal lines make you look fatter. I've done my whole life believing that the only people who should seek out horizontal stripes are skinny girls who want to make their boobs look a little bit bigger. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe someday a hot ass chubbster will show me how horizontal lines can work on a big girl.

Today is not that day.